Chapter 10

The Trait

 

    I couldn’t feel Eric when I woke up the next day.  I could tell he was out there, existing somewhere, but I had to assume that when he slept, his emotions became as dead as he was.  And the truth was, I missed him.  Just like I had before I’d had his blood.

 

    I dragged myself out of bed and did a quick scan of the house, surprised to find myself alone.  On one hand, I really wanted to talk to Gran, I needed to.  But on the other, I knew it would be painful for both of us.  Gran was one of the only people I knew who always met things head on, no matter what they were.  Eric, I realized, was one of the others.

 

    After I showered and dressed, I went downstairs to make some coffee and maybe get up the nerve to see what time it was.  I was mortified when I saw that it was almost six o’clock.  Good Lord, what the hell was wrong with me?  A strange shudder passed through me as I took my coffee to the front door and found a note hanging from it.  It was from Gran.  I sat down outside to read it when I heard the phone ring back inside the house.

 

    “Hey,”  I said, setting my coffee down on the table and opening the note.

 

    “You knew it was me?”

 

    “I think I just felt you wake up.  It’s not dark out, though.”

 

    “I rise before the sun sets,”  Eric said.

 

    “That sounds like a vampire soap opera,”  I said, laughing.  “You could star in it.  I’d watch.”  I started to read Gran’s and felt my eyes well up.

 

    “What is making you sad?”

 

    “You can feel me over the phone?”

 

    “Through the bond, Sookie.  Yes, I can feel you.  Why are you crying?”

 

    “Gran’s note,”  I sniffed.  “She’s not here.  I think she’s avoiding me.  Well, not me.  This.  The whole thing.  I wanted to talk to her before I left.”

 

    “Where are you going?”

 

    Duh.  “To Fangtasia.  I’m coming to see you, aren’t I?  Are we meeting someplace else?”  I forgot he was technically on ‘vacation.’  Maybe he didn’t feel like going into work.

 

    “Fangtasia is acceptable.”  Acceptable?  “I was not…sure that you would wish to see me.”

 

    “Why not?  Don’t you want to see me?”

 

    Eric was quiet for a minute.  “I would prefer that you never leave my sight.”

 

    “Careful what you wish for.  I heard I’m distracting.”

 

    “I like being distracted by you, I have learned.”

 

    Suddenly I was worried.  “Do you think that’s it?  That I’m, like, a shiny new toy for you?”  I asked nervously.

 

    “No.”

 

    “Are you sure?”

 

    “Yes.  I have been around a very long time.”  Neither of us said anything, and I wondered if he had hung up.  “I will see you at eight o’clock.”

 

    I hung up the phone and read Gran’s note again.  She was going out for dinner with Maxine and wasn’t sure when she’d be home.  She said she’d see me tomorrow, and I could call her, no matter what, if I needed her.  So I guess she wasn’t expecting me home, but what she was also saying was, she’d always be there.  I started crying for real then, and had to go back to the bathroom to wash my face and redo my make-up.  Even though I’d get there early, I didn’t think I could wait any longer to leave for Fangtasia.

 

    My mood lifted the closer I got, and considering how I’d felt when I left home, I’d take all the happy I could get.  Only two cars were in the lot next to the club, and I spotted Pam next to one of them, gesturing for me to park there, too.

 

    “Sookie Stackhouse,”  she said, opening my door for me.  She looked me over and smiled.  “You smell familiar.  And don’t you look pretty?”  Well, she certainly was less angry than the last time I saw her, if not terribly sincere.

 

    “Uh, thanks.”  I’d worn a dress this time, white with red flowers on it, but I’d covered up the top of it with a red sweater that had little pearl buttons up the front.  My boobs tended to spill out over the top of the dress, and I still wasn’t sure what was appropriate for this place.  With my heels I was as tall as she was.  “You look nice, too.”

 

    “Ugh.  I hate dressing this way.”  Once again she was wearing a long black dress, complete with flowing sleeves and a train.  “I prefer your dress.”  She led me to a door along the side of the club, and we went inside.  “Excited to see him, are we?”

 

    “I am.  Don’t know about you, though.”  I regretted saying it right away, but Pam thought it was hilarious.  “No, I meant, I’m excited to see him, I just don’t know if you are.  Excited to see him.”  Oh, forget it.

 

    She was still laughing as she opened the door into his office.  “Why did you not tell me how funny she is?”  She took one look between the two of us and rolled her eyes.  “I will be out at the bar.”

 

    Before the door even shut behind her, I was rushing across the room to where Eric sat behind his desk.  “Hi!”  I said, jumping into his lap and kissing him.  “I missed you.”  I buried my face in his neck and continued to kiss him anywhere I could.

 

    “You seem happier.”  He pulled me up to look at my face.  “Why were you sad again?”

 

    I frowned and then remembered Gran’s note.  “Nothing.  Gran’s note.  It’s okay.”

 

    “You do not wish to talk about it.”  It was more of a statement than a question.

 

    “I’m not hiding anything, if that’s what you’re wondering.  Gran loves me, no matte what happens.  That’s what the note said.”  I took his face in my hands and smiled.

 

    “Why would that make you sad?”  He just wasn’t going to let this go, was he?  “When someone loves you, it makes you sad?”  He was confused.

 

    “What?  No!  Not that she loves me!”  I shook his big blond head back and forth.  “She’s letting me go.”

 

    “Ah,”  he said, pulling my hands from his face.  “I understand.”  He noticed the buttons on my sweater and began toying with them.  “What is it?”  he asked, unbuttoning the top of my sweater and running his fingers along the neckline of my dress.

 

    “She’s not expecting me to come home tonight.”  I cleared my throat, not sure where to go with that.

 

    “That makes you nervous?”  He began kissing the tops of my breast and paused to look at me.

 

    “You’re going to make me ask?”

 

    “Ask what?”  He went back to licking my cleavage.

 

    “Do you think Pam would mind if I stayed with her tonight?”  Two could play at this game.

 

    “No,”  he said, snaking his hand under my skirt and making his way to my underwear.  “But I would.”

 

    “So I could stay with you?  You know,”  I complained, grabbing his wayward arm,  “I can’t believe you’re making me grovel!”

 

    “Ooo, I love groveling,”  Pam said, barging into his office.  “Who is groveling?”  She sat down on the couch opposite Eric’s desk, observing us.  “You were hiding those under that sweater?”

 

    “Where else would you stay?”  he asked, buttoning my sweater back up and looking at me.

 

    “She could stay with me,”  Pam offered.  “Why does she not stay with you?”  she asked Eric.

 

    “She is.”

 

    “So what is the problem?”  she asked, examining her nails.

 

    “I do not know.  Perhaps she does not want to stay with me,”  Eric said, smirking.

 

    “I do not blame her.”

 

    “Alright!”  It was even worse with the two of them together.  “I’ll stay with Pam!”  I jumped off his lap and ran over to sit next to her on the couch.

 

    “Really?”  she asked.

 

    “No,”  Eric growled.

 

    Pam decided to change the subject.  “You wished to speak with us.”

 

    “You did?”  This was news to me.

 

    “I wish for Pam to know what is happening.”

 

    “Okay.  Which part?”  I didn’t mind telling her, or anything, but where did he want me to start?

 

    “Your…illness.”

 

    “Right.  So…I recently found out that I’m part-fairy.”

 

    “As well as telepathic?”  she clarified.

 

    “No.  I mean, yes, I’m telepathic.  But I always knew that.  And I guess I’ve always been part-fairy.”  I was rambling.  “Anyway, I’m part-fairy.  Just found out.”  She nodded, so I went on.  “So there are fairies out there somewhere trying to kill me.”

 

    “Typical,”  she interjected.  “Let me guess, out to get all the half-breeds?”

 

    I hadn’t thought of that.  “Maybe.  They killed my parents and aunt.  Could be.”

 

    “Continue,”  Eric said.

 

    “I think my family, my fairy family, the ones who aren’t trying to kill me, has tried to protect me with a spell-”

 

    “Lucky you,”  she interrupted.

 

    “Yeah.  Anyway, it looks like Eric is meant to protect me.”

 

    “A vampire?”  she asked.  “To protect a fairy?”

 

    “Part-fairy.”

 

    “How can he protect me?”

 

    “By turning me.”

 

    Pam sat in stunned silence.  “You plan on turning her?”  she asked him.

 

    “If she asks it of me, yes.”

 

    She looked at me.  “And you?”

 

    “I’m not sure.”  I felt Eric flinch inside the bond.  I hadn’t really said it before, had I?

 

    “What happens if he doesn’t turn you?”

 

    “She bleeds to death,”  Eric said quietly.

 

    “Fucking fairies,”  Pam hissed.  She looked at him and then back to me.  “Okay, then.”  She stood up and straightened her dress.  “Time to open the doors.”

 

    Wait, that was it?  “Pam?”

 

    “Perhaps Sookie could come with me?  Have a drink.  Master?”  Ew, would I have to call him Master?  Eric was deep in thought, and I could feel his indecision and worry.

 

    “I could use a drink,”  I added, smiling, as in, let me go, I’ll be fine.

 

    “I will be out shortly, then.”

 

    “Excellent.”  She offered me her arm and whisked me out to the bar.  “What would you like, Sookie?”

 

    “Gin and tonic?”

 

    She motioned to the bartender and sat down next to me.  “You have an interesting dilemma.”

 

    “I guess.”  My drink arrived, and I took a sip.

 

    “He saved your life.  He has given you his blood.  He has offered to turn you.”  She folded her hands in front of her on the bar and stared at me.

 

    “He has, I know.”

 

    “I assume he has been with you these past several nights?”   I nodded.  “I have never seen him like this.  With anyone.”

 

    “I understand, Pam.”

 

    “Do you?”

 

    “How was it for you when you were turned?”  I asked.

 

    “What do you mean?”

 

    I finished my drink and turned to face her.  “Did you have a family?  Did you have time to consider them?  When he turned you, did you thank him for it?”

 

    Pam coolly regarded me, and I wondered if I’d crossed a line with her.  “I prefer being a vampire.  To answer your questions…I suppose I understand your hesitation.  I thought of little more than myself after I was turned.”

 

    “Look, I’m dying either way.  I would never want to pick Eric because he was the lesser of two evils.”

 

    She was surprised.  “Why not?”

 

    “Because he deserves better than that.”  I signalled for another drink, and we both felt Eric coming from his office.  “And he shouldn’t turn me because he has to, either.  That, Pam, is my dilemma.”

 

    Suddenly he was between us.  “What is wrong?”

 

    “Nothing,”  we said in unison.

 

    “You are both lying.”

 

    “I would not have thought it possible,”  Pam started, standing up and facing him, bowing her head slightly, “to meet a human worthy of you.”

 

    “Mostly human,”  I piped up.  Maybe I shouldn’t have ordered that second drink.

 

    She laughed.  “He trusts you, and so will I.”  She nodded to both of us and glided off toward the front of the club.

 

    “Pam was angry, but you were not,”  he stated, taking her seat.

 

    “And then Pam was angry, and you were angry,”  I quipped.  Definitely shouldn’t have ordered another drink.

 

    “What did she say?”  he asked, ignoring me.

 

    “I think, she thinks I don’t appreciate all the things you’ve done for me.  Or want to do for me.”  I swirled the ice cubes in my glass, poking at the lime.

 

    “She said that?”  He was angry again.

 

    “It’s what she meant.  Don’t be mad at her.  She’s looking out for you.”  Like a Doberman.  Did they have blonde Dobermans?

 

     “What did you say to change her mind?”

 

    “You mean, how did I suddenly become worthy?”  He nodded, and I had to think about it for a minute.  “She saw my choice one way, and I was seeing it another.  Big surprise, right?”

 

    “Explain.”

 

    Yes, sir.  Sheesh.  “You deserve more than me choosing you just because I’m afraid to die.  And you shouldn’t have to turn me because you’re afraid of losing me, or because someone’s making you.”  I waved my hand around.  “I don’t know, something like that.”

 

    Eric’s mood softened, and he took my hand.  “I did not realize how much this weighed on you.”  Stupid bond.

 

    “I’ve been trying to picture it.  If there weren’t this threat, you know, would I want you to turn me?”  I looked at his handsome face.  “What about you, do you want it?”

 

    “Do you want to know?  Will it help you decide?”

 

    “It doesn’t matter!  I already know the answer.  Of course, you do.”  He was so much braver that I was, so much more confident.

 

    “I would not, without your consent,”  he reminded me.

 

    “See?  You’re so nice about it!”  He shook his head and laughed at me.  “It’s not funny!”  I protested.

 

    “Come,”  he said, dragging me up with him.  “I am taking you home.  To my home,”  he emphasized.

 

    “We’re not done with this, you know.”

 

    He took us out through the back and into the parking lot.  “I know,”  he said, ushering me into his car.

 

    “I mean, I see what’s going on here.  Gran’s on board, Pam’s on board, you’re on board.”

 

    “How much did you have to drink?”

 

    “Two.  Don’t try to change the subject.”  I’d been about to point my finger at him, and he raised his eyebrow.  “Sorry.”

 

    Eric smiled.  “I think I may, at this moment, be seeing things more clearly than you have the past few days.”

 

    “Oh?”  This should be good.

 

    “Perhaps this is not about making a choice.”  We sped out of the parking lot, and I had to grip the door.

 

    “It’s not?”  Man, he drove fast.

 

    “It is about acceptance.”

 

    “Of what?”  I asked.

 

    “Your choice.”

 

    Huh?  “But you said it wasn’t about choice.”

 

    “I do not personally think you have a choice, you do.  Regardless, instead of agonizing over your options, you should look at how you will accept the outcome.  Whichever outcome you choose.”

 

    “Can I live with being a vampire, or die as a human?”

 

    “Yes.”

 

    “What do you think?”  I was afraid of his answer.

 

    “You will fight it, either way.”

 

    Wow, that was honest.  “Are you mad at me?”

 

    “You can tell that I am not.  You will be happier, thinking you had some control in your decision.  You need to make one and move ahead with it.  Acceptance comes easier that way.”

 

    “Something most of you never got a chance to do?”

 

    He shook his head.  “No.”

 

    I sighed and leaned against my window.  “It takes you a long time to make a point, you know that?”

 

    “Only because I have to be sure you are listening.”

 

    “I hear you, Eric, I really do.”

 

     He reached over to take my hand.  “I know you do.”

 

    “Alright.”

 

    He glanced over at me, and I could feel the hope mixed in with happiness start in him.  “Sookie?”

I nodded.  “I’ll do it.”